I may not have said it soon enough, I may not have shown it often enough, and it might be hard to believe at this point… but I miss you guys.

I have a tendency to focus intensely on one part of my life, leaving the rest of my life to vie for my easily-distracted remaining attention. When I’m in a relationship, that’s often drawn much of my energy & attention. Right now, I’m focused on work and moving back east.

As my time in Boulder draws nearer to its end, I’ve noticed a strange trend – the people I used to be closer with, old friends and family, have all grown distant. We don’t have the same connection that we once shared. At the same time, newer friends have shown up in my life. Yet while I value my new friendships, I know that I’ve hurt my bonds with my family and my old friends by not reaching out, by not calling and staying connected, by not making more of an effort.

It makes me sad to think that by my silence I’ve hurt or pushed away people I really care about. I wonder if all they must see is a person traveling down a dangerous path and heading toward ruin, because that’s easy to infer from many of the things I’ve said on Twitter and Facebook over the past year, and from the times when I have been in touch with them.

I wish I had reached out to my friends and family when I had chances, when I could have shared how well my life was going; but I kept distracting myself, and before I knew it, so much time had passed. So many chances. And over the past few weeks, I’ve really started to see just how meagre is my harvest because of what I’ve done (or more accurately, what I haven’t done.)

I may not have said it soon enough, I may not have shown it often enough, and it might be hard to believe at this point… but I miss you guys.

And I’m okay. Just trying to make ends meet and get myself to the place where I belong. I’m changing, lots of changes, but for the better. They’ll take time. That’s what’s got most of my attention right now… that and work. How are you? What have you been up to?

I’m sorry. Can we get back to where we left off? I hope we will.