And imagine that, I lived.

I was talking to J today about my current situation here on Maui, which is less than ideal according to where I’d like to be with my life, but to which I’m not reacting with terror or anxiety. For too much of my life, fear of not having a place to live, food to eat, or a job to provide the money for those things, ruled my thinking and my decisions. Here, just a few months after we arrived on the island, I hit bottom.

And imagine that, I lived. And ever since, I’ve found an incredible serenity in my life; not that I’ve got a perfect existence or that I don’t sometimes get angry or scared. I still do — but I live without the spectre of the sword of Damocles dangling over me. I want a job, and I want a place to live that is more my own, but these things no longer frighten me the way they used to.

I have a strong feeling that I’m now making changes in my life for the right reasons, and that for that reason I’m finally heading down the path I was meant to travel.