How do I tell the difference between compassion and submission? Is there a difference?

Tantric Buddhism uses life itself to create the energy for enlightenment, rather than relying on meditation or direct transmission alone. As such, its lessons deal with harnessing the power of our strongest desires, at least as I have understood the teachings I’ve received so far. The secrecy around Buddhist tantra is explained as concern that the unready may hurt themselves attempting to engage the tantric practices.

um. no. (credit for this photo to Scott, who borrowed my camera…)

I have found that living a life where one tries to apply the Buddhist precepts and principles, to stay on the Middle Path while actually living, is incredibly dangerous. There have been several occasions in the past week alone during which I felt emotions like anger and felt powerless to prevent my emotions, the causes of my emotions, and my reactions to them. Instead of being ignorant of the process, however, I also knew that I was not acting the way I wanted. In between the observer and the actor, I found anguish at my powerlessness to act according to my principles. At times this week, I’ve felt torn apart by questions that go to the very core of myself: how do I tell the difference between compassion and submission? Is there a difference? What do I actually need to be happy and peaceful, and what do I think I need that is merely illusion?

I’m not sure what my limits are. How much can I physically give before I run out of fuel? I can sit in meditation and send compassion infinitely, but to give in this world requires energy, and I need to understand how much I have to offer those around me. That should be the only factor in deciding what to do.