There is much beauty in the way true friends accept and forgive.

tough decisions

/ Mila (Jake Stetser) / Boulder, Colorado

Part of the the Heart & the Law collection

We have to make tough decisions sometimes; we have to decide to hurt others in order to honor ourselves. But there is no weakness in admitting when we’ve hurt someone, no weakness in allowing their feelings to coexist with our own.

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There’s no weakness in apologizing even when we feel we made the best decision for ourselves. An apology is not a guilty plea… an apology is an act of compassion and understanding.

So I ask you to accept that you may hurt someone else from time to time, and rather than cringe and defend against the pain of someone you love, to find the space within yourself where the essential perfection of your choice coexists with its positive & negative effects – ripples of pain and joy, excitement and sadness.

There is much beauty in the way true friends accept and forgive. When we see someone we love has made the best decision for themselves, and when they look us in the eye, let us know that they understand their decisions may not have affected us so positively, that they are sorry for the pain & still believe in their choice, how can our love for them not flood us with a desire to forgive?

So make your choices wisely, take the path that is right for you. Accept your decisions as the best ones you could make at the moment you made them, and accept that even still you may cause pain, but that does not make you wrong.

In doing so, your love and compassion will shine to your friends, and in turn, you will be rewarded with theirs.

Mila (Jacob Stetser)

Mila is a writer, photographer, poet & technologist.

He shares here his thoughts on Buddhism, living compassionately, social media, building community,
& anything else that interests him.

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  1. I’ve always been very quick to forgive things that most find unforgivable. It’s the things that most people find forgivable that tend to snap back at me. I think I’ve forgiven it, but then I find layers of hurt that come from systematically being deceived.

    Like when my ex-boyfriend moved back home to be closer to his family, I was completely okay with his moving. I was supportive and let him stay in my apartment for weeks while he planned his drive home.

    But, then, later—I learned that he had been planning this for a very long time—and had been keeping score in his head to justify his decision to leave—to the point where everything he thought he needed became an attack on who I am. And that systematic pulling the wool over my eyes thing was probably bigger than any other betrayal I’ve been through. And it’s why I can’t talk to him anymore without wondering who he is.

    Alma

  2. An apology is not a guilty plea… an apology is an act of compassion and understanding. I like that phrase. It is so true and good. It is always worth giving an apology when another person is hurt. an apology gives the violated person back their dignity without losing any dignity yourself.

    Jackie Stetser